Don't Get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired!!!

  Tonight I am not hungry, nor too tired, but I'm angry and lonely.  I've just been in this loft too much with the babies and all day i fantasized about going to Jordan's and spending the night.  Oh, how i would lay there and not hear any voices. Oh, how I would lay there and not think about anything, oh how I would just lay there!
   But then Jordan told me she had to have a sleeping pill or she would go nuts, and could i stay?
  I have been practicing my exit speech, just haven't given it yet.  Oma Nanny is beat, she's retiring. Oma Nanny's going West where its warm, and given, we're a bit crazy with our stars, and auroas, and dreams, and finding ourself, but its warm and easier terrain.
  And we like our rights.  I am angry at myself that I don't stick up more for myself and say what I need.  A little voice always goes, no you don't, no you don't.
  And guess what, I'm from LA and I go to 12 step meetings, several a week and they are easy to get to and good. Everyone bottoms out in something in LA-women, drugs, money, alcohol, lying, eating, gambling, and trying to control everyone else.  There is a saying: "Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired..and let go and let god."
  Well, I'm going to let go of these beautiful babies and my daughter and let God.
  I went to MOOOOO..Burger with Vicki and Jordan and their kids last night. Young mothers going through all the stages with their children. The kids were eating their fries, shakes, burgers and the moms had wine and salads. I realized that they were in the beginning stages of their parents-Vicki's were 5 and 7, Jordan's 8 and 11.  I was way beyond that even with the grandchildren except for our newest dears.  Been there-done that! 
  But Jordan said, "you've got to interview the older mothers. Its not so easy. I'm 44 and the girls will be 18 when I'm 62. Yikes! STAY HEALTHY!!!!
   Soo when I told her I was leaving for Jordans and she begged me not to go, but then said to make up my mind, I recluctantly stayed.  But because of program i knew it was a choice, one once i was out of my funk, was better.
   We interviewed 3 nannies in person, all from st. Lucie, Jamiaca, or Trinidad.  On of off the books they want a lot of money-4000 a month, off the books that's about 70,000. then they want to know about benefits, vacation days,housecleaners, metro cards, etc. Jordan said she doesn't get them and you're not either, and I pay taxes, and am going to put you on the books!
  but the twins are beautiful. Gigi just laughs and smiles at you. and Tess gets this wild laugh and kicks like crazy.  They both stand up before 4 months, very strong on their legs.  They just cry and moan at tummy time unless you put your head right next to theirs. So, all is not bad,  Just my mood which is getting better.
Good night, good luck to you all.