I Hate TEXTING!

   I am sick of all the texting and emailing.  Yes, it's good if you are in a meeting or a class, or you need to send a quick message. But as a regular means of communication-forget it.
Nobody wants to talk on the phone anymore. Everyone is into control and texting is a form of control. There is no voice intonation, no emotions, no responding to what the other person says.
     I remember when my eldest son, who was into the high tech world of silicon valley, converted his voice to text.  You would call to leave a message and it would say:"VOX is converting your voice to text!"  I would get so mad and leave him all my opinions on the phone.  Of course when it was converted to text,  all of my emotion was erased and I was white washed.   This avoidance of talking on the phone leaves so many relationships half empty.  All these texts back and forth-why?
     It seems like people are reluctant to communicate, to be vulnerable and uncomfortable with feelings. My brother said a recent study was done on college students and their ability to communicate is down 40%.  He said theres kids sitting right across from one another texting instead of talking.  I just can't stand it.
   And I got a new phone because my old one died and now I can hardly text because its a touch point whereas before I had a keyboard and I could really type on it. Now it repeats letters several times, skips, puts in the wrong letter. Once again, I HATE IT!

    I have been going on and on about the East Coast vs. the West Coast.  What's going on, really?

     If I am honest I have to say there is a big life style change on many levels.

      February is coming up.  It is the 6th anniversary of my eldest son's suicide.  Yes suicide.

      That is not an easy problem to swallow.  I went to a grief group on it for 3 years and it really helped.  But I haven't been to any group for 2 years and you do need to do the work.

      I still find it fascinating to read about Kate Middelton and the "princess" saga.  Disney's princess line makes more money than anything else.

      Why, because even drug dealers want their daughters to be princesses.  I remember when I was pregnant with John, my firstborn, the son I lost- I was in love.  I thought that I would be married forever.  I thought that my love could cure all, that I could protect this beautiful child and bring him perfectly into the world.  More than anything I wanted my family to be healthy, happy, and prosperous.  I thought age was for the old.  Age did not happen to the young.

     No, no, no.  Age was something they were afflicted with, but me, I would be young forever, I would never die.  I felt my parents’ problems would never touch me.

     Kate Middleton is the commoner who married a prince and who will some day be queen.  Her role is clearly defined but being redefined.  She didn't stay at the "palace" but instead went back to her parents with William and the baby to be a "real mom".

    They say in functional families the rules are clearly defined but flexible.  In dysfunctional families the rules are poorly defined but rigidly held.  And in Hollywood they don't want equals, they take hostages.

    John would go to a party in his wildest outfit-a feathered vest, cape, hat, boots, Versace suit with cross rib bonded jacket.  His good friend Steve said it was for effect.  He liked to be noticed, to make a statement, but then he didn't care. He would be himself and laugh, and joke with everyone and charm them all.  But in the end he didn't like Hollywood.  He thought it was fake and lived in the Bay Area.

     Even if it isn't the fairytale one thinks it is, I still like looking at the young family of William, Kate, and George and thinking it all is perfect.  I loved that dream.

     John has four children without a father.  I am no longer married to his father.  February is coming up.  It will be six years.  I am separated from my long term partner.  There are two beautiful, funny, charming twins I spend a lot of time with.  They are reviving me, bringing me back to life, to be reborn and flourish!

We're beat!

     My son Dan, and his girlfriend Sophia, are here helping watch the twins while Jordan goes to a conference.  The one rule she gave is don't pick up the girls at night time, no matter what.
    Jordan snuck out yesterday so the girls would not see her leave.  Dan and Sophia were doing great with all the schedules, food, everything.  Tess and Gigi went down nicely and we all thought, yeaaaa!
    Of course that isn't how the nights have been with Jordan.  One of them always seems to be getting up in the night, and its always something- a wet diaper, constipated, a poop, gas, they want to see their mother.
    I was just about going to sleep, it was around 11pm when the next thing I knew Gigi was up and Dan was trying to hold her.  She was writhing and screaming and Dan handed her to Sophia in the girls "pen".  Actually its a fenced in area that has a bed on the floor and Jordan's been sleeping there until she gets the doors on the room. It's supposed to be the third bedroom, but instead its a play room and we have two living rooms.
    Sophia took Gigi, I joined her, and there were the most blood curdling screams I ever heard. You would have thought she was being murdered!  And she was throwing herself around, she wouldn't let Sophia touch her.  She was going to hurt herself, and she had to be contained.
   I tried to grab her, but she was thrashing about.  Dan brought us a bottle of chamomile tea, Sophia left the play area, and I laid down with her, holding her tightly in my arms. She was sucking on the bottle for dear life.  Pretty soon the tea was gone but she kept sucking, which is supposed to produce gas, but at this stage I figured who cares?  
    Dan and Sophia didn't know what to do, so they crept around eventually sleeping on the single bed in the second living room.
    I just kept holding her, I'd never been able to sleep with the girls, but last night I had no choice.
    This went on for an hour and all I could think was that Gigi woke up and realized it wasn't her mother, and she was inconsolable.  Finally she went to sleep but she continued to cry in her sleep for another hour.  I needed to go to the bathroom, my throat was dry, I was on the edge of the bed, but I had to stay put.
    Finally I went to sleep and then about 4 got up.  I'd heard Tess crying in their bedroom.  I got up, did a lou stop, drank some water, and went back to bed with Gigi.  It was 4am, they got up anywhere from 5:30 to 6am.
     Which was what happened just as I was going back to sleep- I heard Tess in the other room.  Now it was play time to get up-5:50.
     A few minutes later we were going over what happened.  Dan said that Gigi, when he picked her up, was fine.  It was when he tried to put her in the crib in the second ling room that she freaked out.  I thought she'd woken up, realized Dan and Sophia were not her mother and got hysterical. 
   As it turned out, they went back to the front room to bed and Tess had gotten up and slept with Sophia on the couch from 3am on. We were all exhausted and it took until 1pm for the girls to finally take a real nap.
    Dan didn't tell Jordan the full story, just that the girls got up, to which Jordan said "don't pick them up no matter what!"
    Sure!

Kris Kringle and a Great Xmas Party!

     Sidney is having a Kris Kringle Xmas party.  Everyone is exchanging gifts!  Sidney is celebrating Xmas and the fact that she is getting her house back after 6 months of remodeling.  Not that the job is finished.  Her gorgeous third floor master suite has its own balcony, a wall of glass, his and her closets and a beautiful bathroom with heated small Italian Tiles.  But lots of things are not done-missing doors and woodwork, unfinished plumbing, the master toilet backing up, the balcony not safe, etc.  The fact is that Sidney and Mark are sleeping on the floor of the living room since Sept. 5th, and it is now December 10th!

        The workers finally left her house a week ago and she is now working to put it back together for the holidays.  The nightmare of remodeling!  "The marriage of remodeling" always starts out so hopeful, and then near the end the woman says to her husband, partner, mate:"I can no longer deal with this contractor any more. You talk to him!"  Which translates into, "I'm not paying another cent.  He hasn't finished the job, it's all half done, I'm going nuts!"  Which is exactly what Sidney said to Eric.  "I can't deal with them any more, I'm thinking of suing, this has gone way over budget, you deal with it!"

          Sidney's celebration is a Xmas party, Eric's relatives visiting them, and her sister coming down from Connecticut with her husband and three children, and lots of neighbors, friends from the kids school, and old friends dropping by.  My own sister was coming in that night and we took the twins to Sidneys at 4.  It was freezing outside as we walked to the party.  We had the twins in tights and their tops underneath their coats and the down 40 so that we could put them in the  "velvet dresses" Sidney had gotten for their Kris Kringle when we got to the party.

          Her house looked great, the tree was big and huge in the front room, the dining room filled with food, champagne, lots of people, and SIdney in a smart black sequined top and black pants with her hair up.  Eric was  in the kitchen making food.

        Sidney is tall, about 5'9", and her sister, with her blond hair and height I recognized right away.  I hadn't met her children, two boys and a girl.  The both were over 6'2" and they had that Eastern "preppy" look.  It turned out one of her sons went to Barnard College and was studying film.  But not as a major, just taking a course he assured me.

       It's interesting, that Eastern look of the "privledged suburban child" vs. the city look.  Kids raised in the big houses in Rye, Ny; Summit, NJ; Hartford, Conn.; have that protected, privileged look that city kids, even if they are privileged, don't have.  There's just too much you can't shut your eyes to in the city.  You ride the subways, see the poor, rub elbows with more of the grittiness of life.  You are not coddled the same way suburban kids are.

      Back in 1981, we'd lived in one of those big houses in Summit and my ex. worked in NY near the world trade center.  I wanted the children to walk to school, and my ex wanted me to give them a ride.  we got into a argument and it was decided that if it was below a certain temperature I would drive them.  Of course, I still felt they should walk, but my ex wanted them coddled and babied! And I have to say my older son and my younger son were both brats expecting whatever they wanted.

      But back to the party.  The girls got their velvet dresses on and Gigi let everyone hold her.  She was really enjoying it while Tess just wandered from room to room checking, grabbing whatever she could.  When you have toddlers you don't get to stand around and chat.  You are on the move!

      A lot of the neighbors and friends Sidney had made at the kids school came.  The talk was of property, one friend had sold her property for 3.5 standing room outside to bid!  Now they were looking for another house.

We left before seven because the girls had to go to bed and my sister was coming in.  Unfortunately, she would miss the party.

It's the New Year-2014

     Christmas is gone and so is Hannukah.  It's January and it came in bold dumping 8 inches of snow-it was the talk of the nation, the big storm.  Getting the twins out and in their down 40's, their snow jackets and mittens on them (they don't go on), is a nightmare.  Getting them down three flights of stairs is even more of a challenge.  They are 14 months and get very needy whenever anything happens like we take one twin down and leave the other in the safe pen until we can get her.  
     The minute they notice that might happen, like we are going out, they bellow like cows needing to be milked!  They are both sensitive now about this, as they are about getting their bottles.  They are still getting them, 3 times a day, and the second they see a bottle they start crying and screaming very dramatically.
     Kidville over the holidays was like being in a dryer.  Kids tumbling all over the place, 5 year olds running into 14 month olds, fathers smelling of testosterone playing with their children because their wives demanded it. The fathers are trying to be helpful and encouraging, and the children are just running everywhere.  I had a headache when I left.
     Jordan spoke up to a five hear old who was being rude and pushing the girls around.  Then she told the staff there were too many children.  
     Apparently now they have made Kidville into two areas, "the theatre", which is really just a big room with a place where the "band" plays for 0 to 2 and the padded gym area for 2 and up.  The nannies all looked bored yesterday.  Some just sit there with their "I phones" and the children run around on their own.  I wonder what the "guilty" mothers would think if they saw this.
      It just seems today that motherhood is just guilt, guilt, guilt.  Jordan gets up every day at 6 or 5:30 with the twins, goes into work at 9, gets home at 8, and then gets up  with them at night.  On the weekend its just the twins, twins, twins, and maybe one workout.  She's under a lot of pressure at work, they are presenting at the end of the week and Jordan's traveling without the girls. It's a first.  She has her brother and his girlfriend coming in for the night time.  It will be interesting.
     The other day Jordan put Tess in the front living room, which is our neighbors bedroom.  He came up at 2am saying he needed to sleep and he had a big meeting the next day.  Jordan apologized, but Tess had been unable to sleep and was crying with Jordan for 3 hours when she put her in the other room.
     Oh how desperate young mothers and father's are. They have a 7 year old and 2 1/2 year old and the little one Jennifer, tried to have a tea party for the girls 3 times and gave up crying down at their place.  So, we had them up for a tea party the next few days.