I went with Sydney to a yoga class today. I started yoga back in 87' in San Francisco, it was Bikram yoga and the rooms were hot! Since I fractured my back in March, they told me in rehab not to do twists. So I haven't been to too many classes. I stopped going to Bikram when he kicked an older lady in class and told her to get out! I moved on to Iyengar yoga and a wonderful teacher named Anna DeLury in Los Angeles. She taught in her studio garage and went back every year to India to study with Mr. Iyengar, who was now in his 90's. Anna was just a great teacher, going deep into the nature of a pose and working with each person individually. She could take 6 weeks off in the summer, a month off to go to India, and 2 weeks at Christmas and everyone still came back to her classes. Unlike Bikram, she didn't have a big ego and she wasn't a guru- yoga couldn't solve everything.
Today I was reminded of the heat in Bikram's classes. The teacher was Italian and the room must have been 110 degrees. I felt like I was going to faint. It was a class without instruction, just the poses and music. I put myself in the back of the room so I could rest if I needed to. I was at least 25 years older than everyone else.
Down dog, up dog, triangle, etc.- I pulled my pants up and stripped to a small top. Everything was drenched. I did a lot of the class but I no longer compared myself to everyone else. I'd rest and do child's pose.
At lunch Sidney was talking about all of the pressure, children, living in the city. Maybe she would move away, up north. "It's all too much, why are we here if we don't use the city anymore?"
I thought of the 70's and how ashamed I felt of being a mother, even though I thought it was the most important thing one could do. Jordan agreed-"yet nobody cares about mothering-that's what's amazing".
Now all these women have their careers and are doubly frustrated-they are never enough on so many levels. There is always more to do at work, at home, on your body, with your children, etc. What we had accomplished with women's lib was to make more demands on ourselves and create more frustration.
My wishes have changed. I want to be happy and content. I want to love and respect myself and other people. I wish for my children, my friends, my grandchildren love and happiness, laughter and peace. I wish for a world filled with wonder, a sense of community and respect for the earth. I wish for simplicity on all levels and the first place I need to start with is myself.
The babies are in bed, Jordan just went down, and all is good! Peace to the world and love.
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