2013-the confusing era we live in with regards to families, money, and children!!!!!

   It was 4 of us, all women for dinner on Saturday.  Jordan, myself, Sidney, and Beth, an old friend of Jocelyn's from Columbia.  Beth was a professional photographer and a fine art photographer. Sidney is a portrait photographer.  Both women have had careers and are in their forties.  Beth is married with a young child and her husband has several children from another marriage.  Sidney has two children and is divorced and is living with someone.
  The topic was of how one partners.  Today, as the women are working, the til' death due us part and its "ours" seems to be gone, especially if one is older when one gets married.  Beth had a pre-nup to protect her assets from her husband, who she felt wasn't good with money.  As she told us her situation it became clear that they were married but not committed.  When you are watching and calculating everything its hard for love to grow or trust.  With my friends who got divorced, the situation tended to be that the women held on to their money and lived with a man, but didn't marry him.  Burned me once, not again!
   Jordan was saying that more and more women are moving up in the work force and white males (older) are the most unemployed group.  "Women adjust" Jordan said, "and they can multi task and will just get a job."
   A lot of people in Cobble Hill have "inherited money" and a number of the fathers are home with their wives.  It's funny when you see them at PS29 with their wives to pick up the children.  Their role is hard to define, and they seem a bit out of place.  One couple who has just finished a 3 year restoration on a brownstone and put in an elevator, said they needed to sell it-money, but they did not have that much money!
    Jordan's friend Alice, who is an attorney in San Francisco, used to be both resentful and jealous of her husband who stayed at home (he was an older white male without a job).  He would be arranging play dates and going to the kids activities at school, making their lunches, and Alice would be stuck in a corporate job she didn't like.
    But marriages or relationships are seldom equal.  Most of the time one will have the high powered job and the other one was the "pick me up person".  It doesn't matter if its the woman or the man, the opportunity to keep things "unequal" is always there.  But it never works if one uses their power unfairly over their partner.  You are a team or you are not a team, and if not, why not?
   If we hold back our love, our trust, our fairness, the relationship will always be fighting for equality.  If you see a red flag, like your lover, etc., is not good with money, it doesn't clear up with marriage.  It just goes deeper.  Nor can we ever change the other person, just ourself.